Easing Grief Over the Holiday; Remember, It’s OK

Marina L. Reed & Marian Grace Boyd

Easing Grief Over the Holiday: Snowy lake

Seasonal/Holiday grief:

Holidays are often difficult for anyone who has experienced the death of a loved one.  Rather than being times of gathering and sharing, holidays can bring feelings of sadness, loss and emptiness.  And this year, with the added layer of restrictions around COVID 19, these feelings can be even more magnified.

The Remember Series of books gives a new way to look at the movement of grief through the use of colours: Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Turquoise, Pale Blue. The grieving reader is invited to go from colour to colour as they see fit, and find ideas, support and suggestions for their grief journey. The books also give guidance to those seeking to support someone suffering from grief.  They help you know what to say, and what not to say. How to simply ‘be there’.

Dealing with Holiday grief will be different for each person, and our colour paradigm will help.

For example:

Red is the colour of survival and urgency.  Someone entering the Holidays in this early place of grief may find themselves robotic, going through the motions of the Holidays and feeling anything but merry and bright OR they may need to step away from anything to do with the season. They may need to give themselves permission to say NO to others and to be still and quiet (Loss of a Parent pg. 24).

Someone supporting their grieving friend, will understand their 'No', and not push them to engage.  (Follow up to this Red moment, Turquoise ((the colour that asks, what path am I on now and where there is increased awareness and curiosity)) pg. 182: now the freedom to find new ways to experience the holidays). 

Orange, Yellow, Green, and Turquoise all have varying degrees of the grief journey, leading to;

Pale Blue is the colour of clarity of a new path, beginning to move forward, and increased openness.  Someone who has journeyed to this place in their grief is now able to find pleasure again in the holidays, having come through conflicted times with holidays to the place where they are able to decide how they want to spend these days.  (Loss of a Parent, pg. 206).  

Someone supporting their friend will understand their desire to create new traditions or incorporate some old ones and will be able to enjoy the Joy of their friend.  

You can see how the response will be so different depending on where the grieving person is in their grief journey.  

Each Remember book reminds you that: 

  1. Each person's grief and grief response are unique, there is no right or wrong - it's where they are at this moment for these Holidays. Right now.

  2. Knowing yourself and giving yourself permission to step away or step into the holidays is important.  Know you can say 'No', know you can say 'Yes'  .

  3. Make a plan that seems to be workable, always remembering that you can change your mind, change the plan, or leave when you need to.  

  4. Having supportive, understanding people in your life is important.  They become your confidants, the ones that help you figure out your Holiday plans, your hope holders and encouragers.  They let you lead and teach them about what you can and can't do over the holidays.  They are ready to support and are flexible with 'change of mind' as they know that is part of the journey right now.

  5. Remember that self-care is important, no matter where you are in your grief journey.  Grief is exhausting and hard work.  Be kind to yourself.  In the Red and Orange Moments, simple things like remembering to drink water, eat, get some exercise is basic self-care.  Later, in the journey, in the Turquoise and Light blue Moments, self-care would look more like planning something that would bring joy.  

  6. The added measure of COVID:  Try to make sure not to isolate yourself from those who care about you. There are ways to stay connected; keep connecting and stay safe.

NOTE to supportive, caring friends.  The Remember books are also written for you. Please don't forget your grieving friend this season. Our books will help you know how to be there for them. They need to know you 'see' them, that you care, that you remember their loss, that you remember their loved one. We will show you how to do this. You could also gift one of the Remember Series books. It will become your friend's companion in their grief, both in this Season as well as all year long.  

By giving a Remember book, you are giving a gift of Hope.